Enrique Iglesias is f*cking you tonight.

Clear your weekend schedule, pick up a fresh razor, and slather on your finest Bath & Body Works scented lotion- because tonight Enrique Iglesias is fucking you, whether you want it or not.

What in God’s name was Enrique’s manager thinking when he gave him the go-ahead to record this song (very matter-of-factly titled, “Tonight (I’m Fucking You)”)? Furthermore, what type of songwriter would even think to write something like this? (I think we can safely assume that E.I. isn’t coming up with his own material…)

“Here’s the situation / Been to every nation / Nobody’s ever made me feel the way that you do
You know my motivation / Given my reputation / Please excuse me I don’t mean to be rude- But tonight I’m fucking you.”

I wouldn’t call it “rude” as much as I’d call it presumptuous. God, remove one mole from a guy’s face and he thinks he’s the next Fabio. Isn’t this the same person who once claimed to “be my hero, baby,” and promised to kiss away my pain?

Even more ridiculous than the song is the music video. I would’ve loved to have been a fly on the wall during the initial meetings about the concept of the thing: “Alright Enrique, so in this scene you’re going to dance at a club, then you’re going to hump a girl in a bathroom while she makes exaggerated panting noises into the camera. Then we’re going to throw in a scene with Ludacris in a limo surrounded by chicks while ‘The Good Ship Lollipop’ plays in the background, because everybody knows nothing is sexier than listening to Shirley Temple while trying to get an HJ. Then we’re gonna add an exterior shot of some mountains and you’re gonna hump a few more girls and then they’re all going to hump each other. Andddd scene.”

There are enough tits in this video to feed an impoverished country (assuming all the women are lactating). Since when did Enrique even like girls?

More amusing than the actual video is the censored version called, “Tonight (I’m Lovin’ You).” I don’t even think I need to discuss the irony in that title, because as we know nothing says love like pushing up on a complete stranger on the cold brick wall of a club bathroom. The best part of this video is that because it’s censored the boobs are weirdly blurred out and it looks like the girls have no nipples.

No nipples, no moles, no problems. Now bend over and take it like a man– err, woman.

Uncensored version here.

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Comments

  1. I love how he quickly throws away his 4 of a kind to go f*** the girl ahahaah

    Sooo glad I wasn’t able to find this video at work when you told me about it

  2. hahaha it is very NSFW. except in the NY office we BUMP IT (not really…)

  3. Getting fired for laughing too loud and hard at work…

  4. So your mom sends me the link … I dutifully read it at work because I sooo ❤ this … Aaaanywho .. as you well know we're on the phones and laughing out loud is almost verboten. I was in TEARS and my arms were a-wavin and my foot a-stompin' when I read this – because I channel my laughter through my body. Too bloody funny. LOVIN IT!

  5. your mom told me not to read this at work…now i see why… absolutely hilarious!!!!

  6. thanks ladies!!! your comments make my day!

  7. Your mom passed this along to me as well. VERY WELL SAID 🙂 it made me chuckle as well 🙂

  8. Bostonian says:

    woo hooo, this Bunt site is the best thing to come out of Boston!

  9. This made my life. hahaha I LOVE IT!

  10. Okay, I hear the words, I see the video..and all I see is everyone else fkg but him! Looks like it was filmed on the greek island of Lesbo, and he was clearly not invited. Also, for all you romantics out there, just how awesome is it to make love in a public toilet. We can only hope it was the ladies room at least. Now tell me, Dad Julio doesn’t have a sequel to his own song yet does he? “To all the girls i’ve fucked before…..”

  11. hahahahahahah that is an amazing comment. thanks for all the positive feedback, everybody. i really really really appreciate it!

  12. now now to be fair, “on the springs” is a pretty great phrase.

    also, the censored version you embedded got DMCA’d. pity, that.

  13. ummm yeah, and ricky martin was f***ing all those girls in his videos. and I’m f***ing matt damon. wait. that’s sarah silverman.

  14. Angela, this is awesome. Saying you’re already one of the funniest people I know is presumptuous, but only because I hardly know you. I will gladly collaborate.

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