Live with your mistakes… or lie [by Will]

These days, more than ever before, I’m hearing people say they want to get tattoos. That’s cool I guess. I’m about as accepting as the next acceptor, but I often wonder how so many people can spontaneously give up a plot of their body they probably can’t get back.

I have a hard enough time choosing between three tempting items on an IHOP breakfast menu, let alone marrying one of the endless possibilities of potential tattoos. And unlike my blueberry pancakes, this decision is relatively permanent.

If I were in Belgium last weekend, this is a pep talk I would have had with 18-year-old Kimberly Vlaeminck Kim wanted a cool tattoo. Everyone’s decision making process is different, but apparently Kim’s ended with the idea to pay a tattoo artist to draw outer space all over her face. Not long after, she sued her tattoo artist. Why? Let’s hear her side of the story first. According to Kim, she went into the tattoo parlor and asked for three stars on her face. Then once the artist started to work, she fell asleep and shortly after, woke up outraged that he had drawn 56 stars instead. So naturally, she now wants the artist to pay her ten grand for her tattoo removal.

Mmk, now let’s hear the true version of the story. Kim went into the tattoo parlor and asked the artist to draw 56 stars on her face. There were witnesses. She was excited when her tattoo was finished, until her dad picked her up and was furious at her. So was her boyfriend. Then Kim decided to tell her dad that she had only requested three stars, and had fallen asleep shortly after while this tattoo artist mutilated her.

I’ve never been tattooed before, but I’ve heard it’s not acupuncture. You can feel it. I’d only imagine more so on your face. Fifty-six times. Kim, you’re either the world’s heaviest sleeper or the world’s worst liar. Let’s go with the latter since you’ve since admitted the lie, and are now so distraught and embarrassed by your face that you don’t want to be seen outside.

But what lessons are to be learned after this? Well for one, if you’re going to lie at least think of a moderately believable one. And two, think about the end result of your decisions. If you want a tattoo, fine, but make sure you can deal with it afterward because it costs a lot more to remove it than to get it. And even then it’s not a sure thing it’ll clear up entirely. Plus when you’re old and it’s fading you can’t get it retouched. Because if you do, you’ll be like a 75 year old dying their hair jet black with blonde highlights. You’re not fooling anyone. You’re old and you look ridiculous. And the fact that I know you have a saggy grey tramp stamp grosses me out, and I hope to God you’re hiding it at the beach.

But really, don’t hate on me. I don’t mean to come across as anti-tattoo, and I’m really not. In a lot of ways I sympathize with people who have them because I’ve never understood how authority figures, parents, bosses, or older generations are so commonly offended by tattoos. It doesn’t mean you’re in a biker gang or that you worship Satan or that you’re trying to rebel. But I’ll still have to side with Kim’s dad on this one. Even Travis Barker left some skin on his face.

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